Fearing the Truth

Less than two weeks from now I will be in Montana (never been) for Level II (never been) teacher training with Baron Baptiste.  This training is focused on living the life of a Sannyasin, a seeker of truth/a spiritual warrior.

As much as I desire to seek transformation and uncover the authentic me, I possess an equal amount of fear.  Some might wonder what I mean by fear – how could deepening my practice and learning more about yoga create fear?  Here are my fears:  Fear of the process.  Fear of not knowing the agenda for each day of the eight days I’m there (I will NOT be in control so forget the day planner).  Fear of being uncomfortable/embarrassed.   Maybe a little fear of going to the vast land of MT as I unravel among strangers (but I do hear it’s beautiful).  And of course, fear of what I will learn about myself.

The irony of life I’m realizing is that we are taught as children to seek more/be better/bigger/stronger than we are, study more, play more sports, learn a musical instrument, go to a good college, etc. but how many of us are really happy?!!  Sure all of those learnings contribute to our life journey, but they also pull us away from living from our core being; the essence of who we are as individuals.  So in many ways, Level II teacher training is about reversing a lot of what’s been “expected” of me and showing up just as I am.  What’s so hard about that?

Often I tell my yoga students “you are perfect/beautiful just as you are.”  Some roll their eyes, others shift uncomfortably on their mats and the remaining few look quizzical.  The reality is we are all perfect deep within.  We each possess a divine spark – it’s what makes us unique.  Unfortunately for many of us our spark is so dim we’ve lost sight of it in an effort to conform to what others expect from us or expect us to be.

I believe I am lucky in that found my calling at the relatively young age of 34   – teaching yoga full-time yoga.  It took time, courage and patience to overcome obstacles and reclaim my spark of light but I found it!  I also believe I have so much more to offer.  And that’s what I’m hoping Level II will uncover –what else do I have to offer?  Can I shine brighter?  What is my truth?

Change is scary.  The unknown is scary, but the greatest points of transformation often are in the places we least want to venture.  To be continued when I return from Level II early/mid-July.  Namaste.

2 responses to this post.

  1. Congrats on doing your level 2! It will be a wonderful experience. I know exactly what you are saying as I’m screwing up the courage to do my level 2!

    But, the Montana part. Ah, Montana. Such a wonderful place. I really hope you enjoy it and get to experience it. I am a Montana girl and I have lived in a lot of places, but now I will never leave!

    I can’t wait to hear all about it!




  2. You should use your yoga to help you relax and master our fear.


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